When we were young…

A last minute change to the schedule has meant that instead of going into work tomorrow, I actually have the day off.  Finally, a welcome free day with no plans or responsibilities… This initial feeling of joy I had was soon over run by decisions that needed to be made about what I would do with this sudden change in fortune and the free time given to me.

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My thoughts initially took me to the fact that there are a hundred things in my life that just need sorting out.  The majority of them being trivial, joyless tasks that would no doubt fill up the day in a heart beat. Holiday plans, house tidying, sorting out musical folders and leads, valentine anxieties, banking queries, present buying and work scheduling to name but a few. Factor into this that it might be nice to fit in a trip to the gym or the swimming pool, maybe take the dog for a leisurely walk, play a bit of guitar and maybe write some music and pretty soon the once highly sought after free day has turned swiftly into a very busy one.

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The overwhelming nature of all these activities soon made me realize that the older I’ve got the worse I have become about filling up every second of my time with activities to make myself busy and give myself a sense of worth or purpose… The thing is, I can’t remember the last time I just let myself sit around and do nothing.

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This is when I started thinking about how I would really like to spend my day.  What would be a cheap and easy way to just relax? And you know what, as lazy and sad as it makes me sound, I could think of few things better than just hiring out a couple of films and slothing out in front of the TV.  I remember how as a kid, whenever there was a baker day or bank holiday, I’d always buy a packet of sweets, rent a movie and just relax in front of my parents TV. It sounds stupid now, but I have a clear memory of walking to the video store across the road from us as a young lad, renting out Father of the Bride with money that my mum had given me and then just having the best day sitting in front of that TV.

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My real issue now, apart from the price of renting a movie being so expensive is that I can’t spend the day just watching films without feeling guilty. Without that horrible feeling creeping up on me that I should be doing something more productive with my time.  I suppose it seeps into all areas of my life.  The fear that time is slipping away from me.  A fear that makes it hard to relax and just enjoy the view.

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I think back to that kid watching Father of the Bride with seemingly no worries or cares and wonder if it will ever be possible to find that type of contentment as a an adult… (and if I would in fact hire out Father Of the Bride now considering the fact that I’ve become such a raging movie snob as I’ve gotten older!)