The quiz master.

On the drive home from Herne Hill last night after a fun evening quizzing it up with friends, my better half turned to me and said, “That was the worst quiz host I’ve ever seen”.  An overly harsh statement, but one that was never the less not without merit.

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It got me thinking about the 100′s of quizzes I’ve been to over the years, the best and the worse of them and how it really must be a thankless task being the host of such an event.

Firstly, you have to deal with the notion that you can’t please everyone at once.  There will be some people in attendance who want the questions simple, to the point and without much effort required whereas others will want there quizzes smart, concise and challenging.  Even if you are only there to read the questions out, participants will still attribute them to you and if anything is not to their liking it falls squarely at your feet.  The questions must also be clear and the answer must be beyond dispute.  A case in point, years ago the question came up, “Who is the Carly Simon song, You’re So Vain about?”  The answer is unknown, the question being open to so many theories I’m surprised it hasn’t featured on any number of the procedural crime shows that litter the TV schedules.  There was a huge uproar when the quiz master exclaimed that he would only give the points to people who put the answer as Mick Jagger.  The quiz had been irreparably tainted and quickly descended into farce.

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Then you have decide on your delivery.  People like the questions fast but not ludicrously so.  Always repeat the questions a few times and make sure you have worded the damn thing correctly.  How to deal with hecklers and the inevitable questions that people will throw at you?  Never give clues.  It cheapens the whole deal, especially if you’re smart enough to have got the answer without the clue.  You really don’t want to hear extra help being given out… you either know the answer to the question set or you don’t.  Don’t be patronising though, if someone hasn’t heard you or is unsure of what exactly it is you’re asking, the small amount of grace you have to begin with is very quickly lost once you start acting like a smart arse

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Then, maybe most importantly, the jokes and the asides.  For me, they are the deal breakers.  A quiz host has to let a little bit of their personality shine through.  When done correctly, it enhances the whole evening.  The inevitable tension dampened  and the mood lightened .  Keep them to a minimum though.  People are not there to hear your life story, especially through the medium of witty anecdotes.

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I’ve come to the conclusion though that in life there are few things more excruciating than spending the evening in the company of an unfunny quiz host.  Its just not on… I’m sorry, I know your job is a toughish one, but please spare me the pain of having to shudder through your ridiculous jokes or play on words.  It must be pretty easy to tell that people are not finding you funny, just survey the number of rolling eyes in the room every time you open your mouth to make a funny.

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The man in question last night had most of my pet-hates about him but fortunately they were all in small measures.  You could tell he was filling in and I suppose criticism should thus be kept to a minimum.  He was bad but I’ve had worse.  In fact I remember the evening quite vividly and can often be found telling the tale whenever anyone calls into question some ones distinct lack of humour.  The worse quiz host in history.  2nd year of university, a few of us happened upon a pub in the middle of Canterbury called The Seven Stars.  A grotty little place, townies rather than students vacated. We walked in just before their weekly quiz was about to start and decided on participating to help pass the time.  An schoolboy error to rule all other schoolboy errors.  The host, a jovial chap in his mid-20s spent the next hour constantly outdoing himself by running the gamut of all the bad jokes ever thought up (a few I’m sure he came up with himself).  We left that night with a little bit of ourselves forever lost to that place I’m sure.

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After that night, it’s been easier to look on the good parts of every quiz host since.  There’s still an art to it though, and when a good one is found it makes it a hell of a lot easier to plan your next quiz fix.