Mile-high movie-club

Ten hours is a lot of time to kill crammed into a chair just big enough to fit my unfortunately proportioned body.  To ease my worries about the size of the task ahead, I carefully planned out a variety of things to do that would help kill the time most productively and effectively.  First up, I’d try my hardest to take a nice and relaxed approach to the start of the flight.  Eyes shut on take off, a steely focus, Murray Mint in mouth, water to hand and if I catch a break, maybe a nap!

Fasten seat belt sign off and it’s time for my first leisurely stroll to the bathroom whether it’s needed or not.  Get down bag from carry on, sit down and take out notepad.  Write a few blogs/lyrics, get out iPod and make notes on new songs recorded pre flight for scrutiny.  Play a little football manager on specially bought iPhone app, lunch break, toilet break, plan more of the actual holiday, research contacts from unsigned guide, try and catch some sleep and if not, maybe watch a movie or two.  So far, so good, an hour down, one and a half blogs written.  Then comes the proverbial ‘spanner’… I look around the cabin and can’t help but notice a lot of peoples movie screens and the fact that they appear to be playing a lot of things I really want to watch!

To deviate a little. I notice they have a parental control option on the screen.  Now, you can stop your children from watching bad stuff on their screen, but there aint a thing you can do about them watching the gratuitous sex and violence that is easily viewable on other peoples screens dotted about the cabin!  At this very moment I’m switching between watching City of God and Forgetting Sarah Marshall, being easily viewable on peoples movie screens in close proximity.

Back to my flight, I switch on my own screen and see that they have a very healthy selection of movies sorted out into convenient categories.  I was looking to go with the safety blanket that is a good old action movie (in no mood for comedy and I’m certainly not going to watch anything I actually want to see!) Amongst the selections I notice a ‘classics’ section which inevitably perks my interest.  I can’t believe my eyes, The Godfather, Citizen Kane, Gone With The Wind, Lawrence Of Arabia… who the hell is going to watch these cinematic epics on a screen only slightly bigger than my fist?!

Ok, so  I can see how a couple of three-plus hour movie-films is a nice lot of entertainment padding between wheels up and wheels down… but… Peter O’Toole slowly approaching across the desert? On this size screen surely all you’re left with is the desert plus a weird, hazy dot. Not quite the same, huh? And wouldn’t Gone With the Wind become so un-epic you’d have to start calling it Off With the Gentle Breeze… I don’t know. Just imagine seeing one of these great films for the first time on a plane. With all the associated elbow bumps, toilet breaks, announcements, and scratchy sound. Who wouldn’t reach for the in-light mag half-way through after wondering, possibly aloud, ‘what the hell the fuss is all about.’

As far as The Godfather goes I reckon it’s ok to keep your friends close and your enemies closer, but only if  you can’t lean forward and touch the screen you’re watching it on with your nose.