Airplane Food

Finally boarded the plane to America at 8.10 this morning, a busy schedule recently has assisted me in forgetting what a lousy flyer I am.  There’s no forgetting now… I’m fidgety at the best of times but being cooped up for 10 hours straight, with no leg room and the stale, processed air slowly burning the back of my throat, really puts me on edge.

My main problem though, despite a contempt for the flight as a whole, actually comes with the landing.  Whereas the majority of people’s ears equalize and ‘pop’ as the plane descends, mine reach that painful moment ‘pre-popping’ and just stop… then there’s the pain.  It’s not that sharp pain you get when you cut your hand or bang your head.  This is a dull, prolonged, thudding pain… a pain that wears you down within moments until your a gibbering, groaning wreck, praying there’s no hold up on the runway, so that the pilot can just land the damn thing!

I’ve that to look forward to still… for now I’ve got to deal with my other big issue with flying: airplane food.  Yes, yes, I know… am hardly the first  person in the world to notice it’s a little less than excellent… I’ve learnt the hard way that no good can possibly come of it and the best thing to do is just turn it down outright.  Man, the sheer smell of it is making me sick!

Now I’m a man who eats pretty much anything that’s put in front of him (especially these days) and likes to pride himself on eating what’s put in front of him and not complaining.  Airplane food is the exception, my achilles heel if you will.  The slightest mention of the stuff over the dinner table is enough to put me off my food in a way that talk of blood and sex and death and disease does not.  I’m usually way too concerned in which order I’m going to finish off the food on my plate!  Bring up airplane food and I’m gone, painful memories and a strong gag reflex remind me of senses senselessly victimized over the years.  Memories I can’t expel from the dark recesses of my mind.

Only 9 hours to go and I’ve never been more relieved that I’ve packed a sandwich!